Dad bods

Now as many of you readers may have noticed there is an epidemic spreading, a deadly pathogen, a plague.  Its not Ebola but I wish it was.  Its worse than the dude that first contracted AIDS from a monkey.  Its the Dad Bod.  So this Dad Bod is a new trending body type, though I hesitate pretty hardly on calling it a body or even a type, its more like a lack of both.  The Dad Bod reminds me a lot of a wax sculpture of a body that was left out in the sun all day.  Apparently some girls are crazy about this.  I'm gonna go ahead now and dive into a place of no return, the female psyche and try to understand exactly why girls are attracted to the Dad Bod and why anyone reading this should not fall into this deadly trap.
Okay now, I'm about as shallow as a plate of cereal, my brain has two halves, left and right swipe (a tinder reference).  So when girls started right swiping hard lefts, I knew something wasn't adding up.  So evidently the Dad Bod craze isn't about physical appearance or a man's body type.  With some few exceptions most girls are not going to say that the guy who's body looks like really beat mashed potatoes (the Dad Bod) is hotter than the guy who has the body of a Greek God.  What they're really saying is that they're attracted to a human version of a melted ice cream cone for the same reason that I like getting all my life advice from Dr. Oz and Elite Daily articles.  Its easy, its all about me, and it tells me exactly what I want to hear.  Its literally the attraction to the human version of complacency.  Believe it or not there some dudes with beer guts that have goals and strong personalities, but now thanks to the Dad Bod craze, being a person of worth is now just as unattractive as being in shape.  I kid you not, you cannot write this stuff.  This isn't science fiction, this isn't fantasia, this is 100% reality.  This is the world we live in today and I'm not raising kids in this to be expected to just be pushovers.
One last thing to get straight is that Leonardo DiCaprio is not the poster boy for Dad Bods.  He is an extremely successful, multimillionaire who is also extremely talented and 40 years old!  What these girls are going for is more like a human foul ball at the ripe age of 20.  Look I get it, you can't strike out if you keep hitting foul balls.  They're literally going after guys who are good at nothing and barely mediocre at everything.  These guys do not care enough to do anything with passion and they won't argue with you when you want to put up those Live, Laugh, Love decals on the wall of his apartment that you just decided to move into.  I'm just going to leave it at that and you can decide for yourself if this whole Dad Bod craze is a good thing